Who is too sexy for this show?
by Shinigami Miya Mizu
Summary: In a surprising turn of events, all the X males are zapped into the Mr. Universe pageant and reluctantly agree to participate in order to find out who is the sexiest of them all.


A/N: This is my first X/1999 fic, and this is all for my friend Chelsea!

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Disclaimer: I don't own X/1999 or any of the other shows/mangas mentioned.

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Who Is Too Sexy For This Show

It's the day of the final battle of the Seven Harbingers versus the Seven Seals. As the two Kamuis raise their swords to signal the start of the battle, but as the moment came when the blades would've made contact, a blinding flash of light illuminated the battlefield. When things began to clear, the only people present were the females. The males all appear in the middle of the spotlight. Allies, and enemies stood next to each other, whether they liked it or not, but at the moment they didn't care. All the care about is how to get back home. No telling what the females are doing… (I really resent that comment even though I am the one who typed it…:Sigh: ) Even men who were lost in the X/1999 world were back, alive and well. The guys look from one person to the next. One of them had to be at fault. Eyes turn to Fuma, "Don't look at me. I didn't do this."

Eyes turn to Kamui, "I didn't either. I don't grant people's desires."

Eyes turn to Fuma again, "come on. You already did me."

Eyes turn to Sorata, "what? I don't have anything to prove. I got my girl. Got… saved… same diff."

Eyes turn to Subaru, but just as quickly turn away, because a Sakurazukamori Subaru on top of a Sakurazukamori Seishiiro is not the sight they wanted to see.

Eyes turn to Fuma, "I TOLD YOU! I'M NOT THE ONE! QUIT STARING AT ME… hey… no girls here… Kamui. Come here my dear sweet Kamui. Come to your sexy Fuma."

Suddenly, another spotlight appears on the stage, making the X boys realize that they were really on stage… in tuxidos, and a lonely celebrity that couldn't receive any more jobs stood under it. "Yes! You are sexy! All of you are sexy! Except you Kusangi . I don't know why you're here. You don't have a chance of winning."

"Anou… winning what may I ask?" Asks Seichiiro when he breaks free from Subaru, not like he's really complaining anyway.

"Why winning the Mr. Universe Pageant! Welcome! We an interesting assortment of men here today. And I'm here your host Leonardo DiCaprio, the star of the hit movie Titanic."

"What movie?" Asks Nataku.

Leo glares at him, but quickly leans in and whispers instructions to the guys. "Can you please stand in a line so I can introduce you." All the X guys nod and line up. "Starting from jolly guy next to me everybody's favorite monk is Sorata, then everybody's favorite public servant, Yuto, everybody's favorite hermaphridite, Nataku, everybody's favorite gay couple, Subaru and Seishiiro, everybody's favorite dreamseerer, Kakyo, everybody's favorite unlikely choice to win this contest, Kusanagi, everybody's favorite married man, Seichiro, and everybody's favorite rape couple, the two Kamuis, Kamui and Fuma! Welcome to our show. Today we will find out who is the sexiest of them all."

Kamui flips his hair, " well, it's obivious that I'm the sexiest. I'm the main character for crying out loud."

Fuma shakes his head, "I'm sorry Kamui but I'm the sexiest. I mean, I look like the person anyone loves the most, so I'm the sexiest since I seem like everyone, but I'm me."

Kamui anger fumes, "I'm the sexiest."

"You know that any other time I would agree with you, I mean, I molest you all the time, but in popular opinion I'm the sexiest."

"Me!"

"Me!"

Subaru walks up to the two yelling, "I'm sorry to inform you, but I'm the most sexiest."

The two turn towards Subaru, their faces in shock. "And how so?" They both ask.

"Well, I'm not only in X/1999, but I'm also in Tokyo Babylon, and do you know why?"

"Why?" Asks Kamui.

"Because they want to keep the most sexiest person alive as long as they can, so they put me into two series."

"Yes! That's right Subaru-kun is the sexiest. Nobody can beat my Subaru-kun." Seishiiro brags.

"What? That's the most stupidest reason I've ever heard. If that was true, then, Sorata would be one of the sexiest too. He's also in Tsubasa, but we all know about half of us are sexier than him."

"Hey! I know I'm not the sexiest, but I have fangirls, and they don't care. Maybe they find me the sexiest, even if not, I have a girl." Subaru opens his mouth to say something. "A GIRL! You don't count."

"What's up with that? You have something against gay guys?"

"No, I just want to be special about one thing. Please."

"Fine, gay guys don't count." Subaru sighs.

"Um… Yuzuriha claims she loves me." Kusanagi points out.

"Yea… I'm not even gonna say anything about that. I mean your like 30 dude, and she's like what… 12?" Seichiiro points out.

"One, I'm not that old. And two you're old than me, and Subaru is around my age, so you're the one that's really wrong." Kusanagi aruges.

"Well… -." Seishiiro began to argue.

"Anyway! Let's get on with our show. Starting for the first event, it's the swimsuit competition!" All the X boys jaws drop open from shock.

They all turn to Kusanagi. "I'll wear trunks." The boys go into the back to change into the suits already reserved for them.

"Now! The moment you really want to see. The priceless sight of all the X boys half naked." The curtain opens and reveals the half naked X boys.

It's unknown what swimsuit he wears because he refuses to take off his robe. Yuto wears his suit saying he must never take off his uniform for whatever reason, but he still looks really good. Nataku wears a bikini… I'm not going into detail about that. Subaru shyly tries to cover parts his speedo didn't cover. Seishiiro on the other hand dances around saying that it makes him feel free. Kakyo wears a speedo also, but he's laying down on the stage since his legs refuse to hold him up. Kasanagi keeps his promise and wears trunks. Seichiro being as meek as he is hides behind the curtain so it's hard to see what he's wearing. Kamui wears Fuma and a towel, while Fuma wears well… he really like nude beaches lets say that.

"Wow ladies! Look at those studs. Lets stare at them for a few more minutes. Three minutes later. Okay next and final contest because the authoress' fingers are getting tired. It's the talent competition. So, lets let them go back and get changed. Oh and I guess we should choose a winner for this competition for the hell of it… It's Subaru just because that's the authoress' favorite." Again the X boys change into the costumes already predetermined for them, and wait at stageside. "Now let's get this talent competition started."

Sorata goes up first with his act. "Hello, I'm Sorata. I'm the comic relief, so I'm gonna do stand up comedy. So… um… Knock knock." The crowd looks confused at Sorata. "I said Knock knock!" The crowd says who's there? "Kamui" Kamui who? "Can you Kamui here? Hahahahahaha! That's was great! I love that joke." The crowd boos and Sorata goes off stage laughing his head off.

Yuto's next. As he comes out of stage holding a box. "Ello! My name's Yuto. Here's my business card." Yuto tosses a pile of his business cards into the audience. "My talent is looking good in any and all sunglasses. So just watch my sunglass coolness." He kept alternating sunglasses while saying 'suave' or 'super sauve' the audience were so into it that they donate their sunglasses. Yuto walks off stage when he ran out of his sunglasses.

Nataku's next. He walks up on stage. "Hi I'm Nataku. I'm the prettiest hermaphidite you'll ever meet. Thank you. That's my talent."

Subaru's up! "Hello… my name's Subaru and my talent is magic. Now first… please look at my hand." Subaru removes his glove to show the back of his hand. "Nothing there. Now… Zatsunamorigotsutako." He shows his hand again to the audience, and upon it is a five pointed star. "Now there is."

Seishiiro runs upon the stage. "Subaru! Don't curse yourself!"

Subaru turns red. "Um… ta da." Even though nobody in the audience knows what they are talking about, they applaude for Subaru.

Seishiiro remains on stage. "Hi everyone! I'm Seishiiro! My talent is complimenting Subaru- kun! That was great Subaru-kun! Congratulations! You'll win for sure!" Seishiiro claps for Subaru, and walks off stage.

Now it's Kakyo. Kakyo rolls onto the stage on a wheelchair with the help of a nurse (male.) "Hello all you people in the audience. I'm the dreamseer Kakyo. And my talent is sleeping." Then he suddenly falls back asleep, and is taken off stage.

Kusanagi… shows his wonderful ability to observe everything around him.

Seichiro takes some time to set up. A desk is placed on stage with many disorganized pencils, and he skillfully organizes them.

When Seichiro's set is removed from stage, Kamui walks gracefully on with sword in hand. "Hi everyone, I'm the Kamui. I'm very talented with swords so for you gracious people tonight, I'll pull this sword from my throat." Kamui slowly and carefully moves the sword in his mouth down his throat. He gives the audience a thumbs up, and again slowly and carefully tries to remove the sword. When there isn't just but the tip in his mouth, Leo comes on stage.

"Wasn't that wonderful!" Leo shouts. Shocking Kamui and the sword gets lundged into the back of his mouth. Within ten minutes, the paramedics arrive, and Kamui is rushed to the emergency room.

After everyone calms down from commotion of Kamui's, Fuma comes on stage. "Good evening. I'm Fuma and my talent is impressions, may I have a volunteer from the audience." When a volunteer is chosen, the act continues. "Before you look at me, how is the person you love most in your life?"

"My husband." The women says.

"Okay, now look at me. Who do I look like?"

"Joel! My husband. You look like my husband."

"Okay. Thank you for volunteering. May we have another?" A man come on stage. "Same thing. Who do you love most in your life?"

"My two year old son."

"Okay, now look. Who do I remind you of?"

"Whoa! You remind me of my two year old son!" The man turns to the previous lady. "Your husband looks like my son?"

Fuma says his goodbyes, and all the X boys line up on stage again except Kamui. Leo walks out. "Thank you for the wonderful… uh… unique talents. Now instead of saying the winner of the this competition, lets just say who wins the entire pageant. Now, it was originally Subaru, but with the dedication Kamui showed us with talent presentation, we've decided that he was the sexiest. But since he's not here, we don't have to buy him a trophy. Thank you for being here. Goodbye!"


End file.
